you know that feeling when literally no one cares about you? when you're unappreciated? alone? unwanted?
yeah, that's how i feel. how i always felt
i know there's A LOT of other people that feel worse than me, but we're all different, we feel different things, we have different definition of good and bad.
but that's not what i wanna talk about
all i wanna say is i feel very tired, not sleepy tired, but tired of this world tired.
im tired of being the listener for everyone
im tired of having to impress everyone everyday
im tired of having to be perfect just to not be judged
im tired of 'friends' not caring about me at all
i just want a little bit of love and care for me
someone that WANTS to listen to anything i will ever say
someone that pays attention
someone that worries about me when i don't talk
so, March 11 2015 was my 'sweet sixteen' but not really
literally only one friend remembered
ha
idk how to feel
unhappy because no one else remembered? or happy because at least someone remembered?
i've been single for almost 2 years
i don't like the feeling of being alone and no one to talk to
so i chose to be obsessed with all these youtubers and celebrities
i can't say that that's wrong because i was happy doing that
until some of them left
they'll all leave
i realized they don't last forever or keep me happy forever
they all leave
so i decided to develop my feelings for a guy i just met
i didn't know much about him
i knew it was wrong so i didn't tell anyone except that friend that remembered my birthday
i thought that the guy likes me too since he always talk to me
but no
i found out this morning that he has a girlfriend through instagram
im so pathetic
im not jealous of that girl being his girlfriend
i felt pity for her because he's always talking and flirting with other girls
and she's very pretty too to be honest
i felt so unwanted and unloved so i decided to self harm
i know its wrong
very wrong
i didn't know how to do it so no blood came out but that felt very good
i know its also very wrong to feel that way but i just can't take it anymore
i just can't
this is such an awful feeling
i never wanted to feel like this
maybe i'll continue to cut
hopefully i won't
"I feel stupid and contagious"-Kurt Cobain
Don't do it, please. Someone I loved very much just died. I don't know what has happened since this blog post. All I know is that I know how you feel. I had friends, but they mostly left me. I choose to watch YouTubers and listen to music because they make me happy. They are my happiness. You need to find YOURS.
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